We return for more of:
The
Daily Service from The Church of Our Lady of Duplicity, Maidenhead
The Address
Given by:
The Right-Raving Don T. Rump,
Ass-Bishop and Primate of the America 1st
Church
I must start off by saying how fortunate you
are to be here with me today. I am going to be terrific and you will
all go home very, very happy at what I have taught you; happier than
you thought possible. We're gonna look at the Old Testamony Book of
Brexitus; it's beautiful; Now those old Profits, being Jewish, didn't
write too good, so Donny's gonna Mansplain it to you.
Now there's this great Dude – you're gonna
love him – Moses; hookey name but a great, great guy. I know; I've
met him.
Moses, super-intelligent, Purple Heart brave,
sees that his Folks are being oppressed so darn hard they're
squeaking like pips in a pomegranate. They are held captive, beyond
their borders, in the Land of the Infidel, working as slaves for
Pharaoh Jean-Claude ' Let's-have-a-party-at-the-public's-expense'
Junket.
This Junket has surrounded himself with a bunch
of bad hombres and mujers : Donny ' the elephant man' Tusk; Michel
'the crazy-one' Barmier; 'The double-dealing, cross-dresser' Super
Mario-in-Draggy and the retired 'fencing champion'
Christine-en-Garde. A Quintet of Evil; these are very, very bad
people.
So Mose goes marching straight into this nest
of vipers, like he's paying a visit to Mar-a-Lago after a round of
golf; He's right in Junket's face, way, way, way too close for
comfort. He's straight out with it:
“Junket; you can fcuk off;; I'm takin' my
Soup Snakes back to Brexitland; all of 'em. I'm gonna build a wall
right down the Straits of Dover; it's gonna be huge; believe me
no-one builds walls bigger than me; it's gonna be so big you
Eugyptians won't even be able to see Brexitland, let alone get in!
And, here's the best bit, I'm gonna make
Chrissie-en-Garde pick up the tab!”
Big Balls, I call that; Big balls – Respect,
Mose, Respect!
Mose walks right out the door slamming a fist
through a door panel as he goes, leaving the Axis of Evil to decide
on their next move. So Mose high-tales it back to where the Folks are
waiting for him. They are very, very rammy; expectation is high;
excitement is tremendous.
“ So what's the deal, Dude?” They call out
in one beautiful, beautiful voice.
Mose raises his arms aloft. “Here's what's
gonna happen... you heard it here; you heard it from Mose. Do not
believe what you read on any fake tablets of stone. Watch my lips...
Here's the deal..
Number 1 – It's Brexitland first; no seconds;
just Brexitland first.
Number 2 – Mose is gonna take you all to the
Broken-Promises Land that lies and more lies beyond Eugypt borders
Number 3 - We're gonna kick some Euro-ass
“ How you gonna do that, Man?” comes a voice
in the crowd
Mose Manspreads
“ We're gonna drive a big highway across the
Straits of Dover...”
“ Drive that highway, Mose. Drive that
highway” comes the refrain.
“And wait... Once we're safely across in
Dover, we're gonna back-fill it with water; protect our borders and
drown the Oppressors.”
“ Mose is The Man,”goes up the cry,
followed by “We're behind you every inch ( let's keep it imperial!)
of the way.”
By now the Brexiters are in a massive frenzy;
and I do not have to tell you that no-one does frenzy bigger than
those Brexiters:
“ Way to go, Mose!” they shout
Mose marches them Dawgies straight down to the
waterfront. There's a huge, huge crowd there already; huger than at a
Pharoah's inauguration; I mean,tremendous, unbelievable numbers of
Folks begging, on their knees, begging to be taken out of Eugypt.
Mose marches down the beach; amazing; sand everywhere; they all
follow, whoopin' and hollerin, so, so happy to be on their way to
Brexitland.
They march right into the sea - “Goin' home,
Mose!” they chant. It's a truly awesome spectacle, as awesome as
spectacles get. They wade in; they're up to their knees; they're up to
their chests but... there's no super-highway; that's right – No, I
mean, NO SUPERHIGHWAY.
“Where's that road, Mose?” is the cry from
all sides, “We're kinda drownin' here... you promised...”
Mose turns to them – he is still safe on
terra firma and says “ I didn't promise you a Super-highway, that
was just a Whopper to get you going.”
Now let me tell you these Brexiters are stupid,
such stupid people; they turn to Mose and say “OK Mose. Hail to you
Chief; we still love and respect you.” And they march right out
into the sea as if that Superhighway is magically gonna appear...
fabulous, incredible...
Now, in the name of my Father Donald T. Rump
(Snr); in the name of my son, Donald T. Rump (Jnr) and in the name of
the Sunday Roast . Amen
